1. |
am (Bad Days)
07:14
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It's 10am and I'm not feeling well
There's something wrong but I cannot tell
What it is, so I try to move on
It's 11am and I'm crawling back into bed
Cause I can't stand the screaming inside of my head
I can't stand this silence around me alone
I don't know, I don't know
So I try sleeping it off but that never works
I'm scared that one day you will discover me down in the dirt
When I find strength to drag this deadweight body over the edge
(Empty exhaust fumes are set alight and burn with fire brighter than the whitest light, while rains of meteors come down and hit the atmosphere, an end to every life)
And I know it's not fair that I ask you to stay
When I want to leave
But I'm going nowhere
I just bury myself under layers of comforting grief
Weaving through everything
And weighing me down
Pulling feathers from my spine
Cutting chords so I can't make a sound
(I can't let you leave I can't let you leave I can't let you leave)
The day is done and I made it through
I'm so heavy and worn-out as I lie down next to you
And I pray for some peaceful nothingness
To come and fill my chest
And I'm feeling so small, a helpless child
And I know that nothing can ever be right
Until they close my sunken eyes
One last time
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2. |
False Starts
05:02
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Footsteps of failure cling to my feet
Without them I'd be incomplete
They burn my soles and stain my path
Splitting my consciousness in half.
You find me dressed in lilac, unable to talk
And all my best efforts, washed away like rainflushed chalk
False starts and empty promises,
The voices stay anonymous.
Stare into lifeless eyes of a pale halfmoon
My love is a wasteland that you threw yourself into.
Slipped through the cracks again, come undone,
Hiding my hopelessness away from everyone.
I write it on the sidewalk, praying for rain
„This is the last time“, I tell the cold porcelain
But we both know that that's a lie
I'm a lost cause, undignified.
I'm on my best behaviour, but that doesn't mean a thing
It's only a matter of time until I turn to stone and sink
Things keep falling through the holes that spot my mind
Deliberate habitual slow suicide
Surrounded by white roses and made from clay,
Drowned in the darkness that comes with each dying day
Caught within chambers of a restless heart
The circling serpents tear me apart
I'm resurrected and reborn
I carry on.
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3. |
Read Me
04:14
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Acidic bruises, un-seeing eyes
I'm handing over my god-given rights
A bitterness used so easily
Accusations, turned against me
Read me / It's such an easy key
Read me / We come in pairs but independently
Read me / It's in the words that you choose to ignore
Read me / To figure out what I was dying for
Abyss below, unnoticed scars extend
Into futures, where I try to mend
A burning, unforgiven secret's end
Rising from ashes, with ruthless intent
Read me / It's such an easy key
Read me / We come in pairs but independently
Read me / It's in the part that you refuse to play
Read me / You screwed me up and I can't even say your name
Merciless, envious rage
Love is nowhere
To be found.
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4. |
Bonfire Night
05:35
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Tell me, how can you bear it? How can you bear all of this pain
That you put yourself through, day after day, again and again
You hold yourself up to the flames, until there's nothing to hold
You are covered in ashes, while your red, red blood is running cold
In broken vessels that you hide away from me
But I'm not blind and you're poorly disguised
While you're tumbling at full speed towards the day you'll die
It's not my sermon to give and yet I can't not preach
Your joy lies in colours and music, but where will they go when you leave?
Have you picked a dress for your funeral yet, a last song to be played?
Is the table for all of your mourning guests set? Are you angry? Do you feel betrayed?
You spin away with no center
Out of control, you're caught in a tremor
Forever
Unless you find a way to break these circles that never end
You're not alone, I'm just like you and I hope to god you can ascend
From those depths to which you sank and where no light can be
Let the currents pull you up so you can rise above the sea
...but you spin away
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5. |
Halfway
05:28
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Lean against the wind and sleep on waves
You are one with it, don't turn away
Their waters won't carry me anymore
So I hold my breath, but what for?
Why do I never learn
Why do I never learn?
There are not enough hours in any day
To do what you got to do and say what you have to say
Your loudest voice silenced, your words bottled up, you break halfway
This fear of misplaced trust will slowly melt and wash away
Until the cores of our hearts lie bare and naked as they came
But you light your fires and burn their tongues
When you give your body to everyone
Why do we never learn?
why do we never learn?
And which ever way we turn
There's a hunger inside us that will never be stilled
It runs in our blood, killing every thing that can be killed
Leaving mortal shells empty, green eyes turning white
Dreams undreamed and the prophecies unfulfilled
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6. |
Take Me Home
03:16
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I went out for a run today and I lost my way
Can't tell if it's rain or sweat or tears, staining my face
You got to keep on running
Push the fog back out of your lungs
Just keep on running
I'm on the wrong side of the river and I can't swim
I'm lost and I can't remember where I have been
The rain's getting stronger and I'm feeling weak
I'm soaked to my skin
The ground washing away below my feet
Come on take me in
I'm on the wrong side of the river and it's getting cold
Wrong side of the river, my teeth are closed around gold
Wrong side of the river, but I'm not alone
I see your hand reaching out, come on and take me home
I'm lost in the world around me and it's getting cold
My pillows are made of silk, my teeth are closed around gold
I'm on the wrong side of the river but I'm not alone
The boatman is holding my hand
He's come to take me home.
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7. |
Windows
03:07
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Through layers of dreams, I see you
Within patterns and schemes, you're there
But I'm losing you, day by day
Your voice and the words you said fade away
Until nothing's left but empty frames
The pictures gone with Chaos waxen flames
Merciless decay
Like darkness of night takes the day
And spreads it's blackened sheets above us all
While rows of saints guard the remnants of your soul
But sometimes a splinter escapes their gaze
To visit me and stray from common ways
While moonlight casts shadows on my face
You're free for a second from Thanatos embrace
I wear the wings of dragonflies
Breaking through windows made from stained glass eyes
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8. |
Enigma
04:21
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Back in the day you built a labyrinth of home and jealous eyes
You used the absence of a thread to keep me lost inside
My vision black, my wrists and ankles tied
And in my head the path is blurred
But I did make it out alive
With broken bones, heavily bruised
But I will be fine
In secret books I hid the words
I didn't dare to say to you
I was a mess with burning doubts
If what my instincts said was true
Over and over, fallen through
Back in the day you made me vow that I would forever stay
It took me years to gather courage up to disobey
You didn't mean to do me harm, but you did anyway
And in the past I kept it hid
I was uncertain and ashamed
But time has passed and I see clearer now
Imprints of teethmarks fade
The empty cage beneath my shirt
Now filled with love instead of heavy weight
And on the empty stage of life
We go our separate ways
And I don't want to be your friend
Don't want to know where you are now
While I am mending the amends
You made while I was still around
In secret codes I spell the words
That I don't dare to say out loud
It hurts so much to realise
That they will never be found
The truth will stay buried in sound.
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9. |
The Lovers
04:39
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I catch your fallen body
Breathing slowly in my arms
Draped in soothing waves of honey
We take and give each other warmth
Abandoned lifelines are reformed
Without hesitation
We walk into the dark
We follow burning constellations
Black mirrors carrying our bark
Made of porcelain with crimson marks
My head lies calm between your hands around my face
Thoughts come to rest and leave the labyrinth of old days
The air goes back and forth between our naked lungs
Two heartbeats counting seconds, filling hours,
One by one by one
Engraved in aeons of creation
In peaceful innocence aligned
Old planets ceasing alteration
Good omens and growing faith entwined
And nothing's left but our souls immersed in time
Now golden particles of dust
Are swirling down from way up high with endless trust
Like light falling through amber stained with rust
The universe alone surrounding us
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10. |
pm (Bad Habits)
06:24
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Tell me all your troubles and I will tell you mine
For a while we can hide away and escape the passing of time
But know that my words are bleak and not made to last
They fade as we speak
And I never quit when I should quit indeed
Catch my syllables as they
Fall from my mouth and go racing through monologues
Fueled by listening ears
All that guilt that we share
All that warmth that we need but that we cannot find
Keeps us bound together in defeat
But I have nothing to say that hasn't been said a million times before
I just slipped through the cracks of an already closing door
So don't waste your precious time on me
You say that I radiate light but I can't see whatever you see
Tell me all your heavy-hearted sorrows that you cannot bear
For a while we can hide away and complain about how it isn't fair
That our bodies are weak and not made to last
We die as we speak
And we're wide awake when we should be asleep
Watch the shadows as they
Creep over bottles and packs full of cigarettes,
Headaches and faint memories
And all the pain in my ribs
All the kindness that burns
Just like salt in my unworthy wounds
That brain-eating disease...
So don't waste your precious life on me
I will not leave but you deserve better than I could ever be.
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Babyalligator Berlin, Germany
Singer-songwriter, Berlin
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