1. |
C/CA
04:50
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My armour of sweaters and cozy sheets
Can't keep me safe anymore
I walk under water through suburban streets
The sweetest of voices in my ears
The darkest of thoughts filling my head
Your image keeping me alive
When I wish I was dead
And I won't ever fall in love again
A silent vow I took
But I can feel it happening
And I can't make it stop
And in my fantasies I see
Empty rooms filled up with songs
Two lungs, two sets of fast heartbeats
Uniting voices, ringing clear
Words that will never be said
'Cause they're too honest, too sincere,
But have this song instead
I write you letters I can't send
Don't dare to spell them out
I'm scared that you might understand
What this is really all about
Dependence and abandonment
They make it hard to grow
And we both know that all too well
It's why I can't let go
It's hopeless, and you are far away
I count the hours between us
The miles that separate us every day
From shared times and happiness
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2. |
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Magnolias in second bloom,
Late summer fading much too soon
Dark, unknown alleys at night
That I'd much rather walk with you
In my dreams
I can see the future
Revealing it's worn-out paths
And it comes without thought
And it comes from within
Wearing a faceless mask
People come to me and ask for directions
I seem to be native to anywhere's streets
But my answer is always the same:
I am not from here
Bloodshot eyes and unwashed hair
Exchange the keys and go to sleep
Memories are hazy dreams
My dirty sweater worn for weeks
In my ways
I can't change the future
Following well-known paths
And it comes without love
And it comes way too late
Aligning with the stars
People come to me and ask for affection
I seem to be native to anyones lives
But my answer is always the same:
I am not from here
And you can't make me stay
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3. |
Carnivores
04:19
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I'm your lioness in the dark
I will bear your scratches, bear your marks
You sharpen your tongue
And spill moans from my lungs
Deadly wounded and stung
Silvery ceiling and shimmering doors
Keep me awake so I won't start to dream
Pull my conscience back on it's leash
Spread fabric on uneven floors
Starlight catches our skin
We are outside within a house
With you is all I've ever been
Narcissist and goldmouthed
Your fangs shine so white
You won't but you might
Golden eyes are turning brown
Blinded by the darkened sun
A mind set free, I let it run
Through all the love I've never known
We'll die and rot and turn to stones
Green velvet covering our bones
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4. |
Beyond The Light
04:51
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Wrap your spirit around me
Invisible arms, they hold me tight
I let you in, I close my eyes
I'm lost in you, I'm lost in you
A perfect angels marble skin
Eerie glow in dark rooms of dreams
A gentle, beaten, beating heart
Ready to give up
Ready to let go
Intrusive thoughts they throw me off
High bridges, cold water, escape
Relief, but only to become
The burden guiding your way
And I still lock my doors at night
I know that you won't come
A lonely, mournful, living soul
Ready to give in
Ready to get lost
The night surrounds us
Slow-dancing, stumbling steps
Through spinning rooms we fall
Beyond the light, beyond the light, beyond the light
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5. |
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I know that if I have to fight
It cannot be right
And I want nothing more than for you to be gone
Go and leave me alone
Please stay and kiss me again
And tell me you missed me, everywhere you've been
I hope to haunt your dreams
Like you haunt mine
And I don't really want revenge
But I think that might be a lie
I tell myself
It's fine, it's all going to be alright
And it's ridiculous that my feelings don't fade
My self-hatred cuts like a brand new blade
But I won't be waiting anymore, I won't be waiting anymore
I know I have to give you up
But I hunger for your touch
The question I asked, you simply answered 'I don't know'
My heart about to implode
All lovesongs remind me of you
You say that you'll call, but in the end you never do
And I hope to haunt your days and nights
Like you haunt mine
And I want to repay the pain
But I don't want to be unkind
I should stop writing these words
Cause they work like a curse
And maybe in a few years of time
You'll fall in love, only to realise
That I won't be waiting anymore, I won't be waiting anymore
And I still feel like everything was right
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6. |
I Am Free
03:40
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I never saw, I never realised
But you did love me, in your cruel ways
Oh but how it must have hurt your pride
Humiliating scenes I can't erase
But I'm still walking in your shoes
And I'm still making excuses up for you
After all, you were just terrified to lose me to another
Careful to destroy the sense of self-worth I still had
You only knew, you just internalized
The fucked up ways your mother loved her child
I tried to make it up a thousand times
But nothing could leave you satisfied
I thought I saw your skinny legs
Walking towards me
In the winter, a year ago
And all my dignity was gone,
And I was ready to forgive you
But I was wrong
I'm still walking in your shoes
When all I want is to leave this all behind
After all, you were ashamed of me and it's so hurtful what I find
Digging up old memories of things that I promised you to hide
But now it's time
I am yours no longer
I am mine
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7. |
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How do I follow a heart, that's been deceiving?
Making me stay, when I should have been leaving
She was never any good, any good for me
How do I trust a head that's not working right?
Paranoid panic, in broadest daylight
I was never good enough, good enough for her
Oh but I'd be brave and I'd be kind
If only I could leave this mess behind
And I can't trust my own memories
Made up lies of a life worth of time
Burning bright with wild fantasies
If only I knew the true past of mine
Nostalgia tells it's golden lies
While melancholy holds me tight
Sways me in it's broken arms
Keeps me insane and safe from harm
Tells me tales from far away
From places where I'll be one day
Put on my shoes and crack a smile
Roll up my sleeves, nothing to hide
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8. |
Seaside Requiem
04:05
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Went out in the rain,
The birds are singing their songs
And I can't comprehend
That you are gone now
The winds will carry us away
Away until we are no more
Leaving behind a trail of sand and stones
In the city of the dead
Leaving behind our skin and bones
No need for them in what's ahead
The waves will wash us safe ashore
Ashore on beaches white as snow
Leaving behind a trail of drops and tears
On the way through pearly gates
Leaving behind all doubts and fears
No need for them in future fates
And I'll wear my black
And get through my day
You were so, you were so far away
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9. |
We're Still Here
03:36
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It was a quiet sunday morning when we found you
All stiff and frozen in your bed
I was 12 and knew not what to do
Rang up your neighbour and said 'our father's dead'
So many things that I would like to show
So many things we never shared
But I feel like you are there with me
Knowing that you cared
They burned your body in my absence
Buried you, put down a stone, made it a grave
I made my way through a troubled adolescence
They told me I was very brave
So many things that I would like to say
So many things you'll never see
I reach for you through shades of lucid dreams
Knowing it can never be
My mum still cries at certain songs in church
Me and your brother are real close friends
Unknowingly he helps me fight destructive urges
He said 'the missing never ends'
So many things that I would like to know
So many things left unsaid
But I feel like you'd be proud of me
Seeing where I'm at
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10. |
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I see your face, in the morning
Brighter than most memories,
I hear you laugh, I hear you moaning
Can it be true, can it please?
I see your face, late at night
When I'm bored and on my own
I see us wrapped in heavy winter coats
In New York Citys endless snow
I don't sleep anymore, I only fantasize
I can only see yours, when I close my own eyes
And it hurts so much, to hear your pain
I wish I could take it all away
I wear my heart on my tongue
Spill it all out in songs
Three words slip upwards from my lungs
To last for a breath and never be gone
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11. |
Goodnight, Goodbye
01:45
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...
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Babyalligator Berlin, Germany
Singer-songwriter, Berlin
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