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I'm Not From Here

by Babyalligator

supported by
Jeremy Walker
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Jeremy Walker beautiful and soft. "when hugeness will shut quietly" has such a lovely guitar riff. Favorite track: When Hugeness Will Shut Quietly.
Michael Keerdo-Dawson
Michael Keerdo-Dawson thumbnail
Michael Keerdo-Dawson Reminds of Grouper so much I can't help but love it. 'C/CA' is by far the best track, but I also love 'Mental Health Awareness Day' and 'When Hugeness Will Shut Quietly'. Hannah Reinhardt's first foray into the world of music is beautiful, dreamy and memorable. Something about this record touched me. Favorite track: C/CA.
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1.
C/CA 04:50
My armour of sweaters and cozy sheets Can't keep me safe anymore I walk under water through suburban streets The sweetest of voices in my ears The darkest of thoughts filling my head Your image keeping me alive When I wish I was dead And I won't ever fall in love again A silent vow I took But I can feel it happening And I can't make it stop And in my fantasies I see Empty rooms filled up with songs Two lungs, two sets of fast heartbeats Uniting voices, ringing clear Words that will never be said 'Cause they're too honest, too sincere, But have this song instead I write you letters I can't send Don't dare to spell them out I'm scared that you might understand What this is really all about Dependence and abandonment They make it hard to grow And we both know that all too well It's why I can't let go It's hopeless, and you are far away I count the hours between us The miles that separate us every day From shared times and happiness
2.
Magnolias in second bloom, Late summer fading much too soon Dark, unknown alleys at night That I'd much rather walk with you In my dreams I can see the future Revealing it's worn-out paths And it comes without thought And it comes from within Wearing a faceless mask People come to me and ask for directions I seem to be native to anywhere's streets But my answer is always the same: I am not from here Bloodshot eyes and unwashed hair Exchange the keys and go to sleep Memories are hazy dreams My dirty sweater worn for weeks In my ways I can't change the future Following well-known paths And it comes without love And it comes way too late Aligning with the stars People come to me and ask for affection I seem to be native to anyones lives But my answer is always the same: I am not from here And you can't make me stay
3.
Carnivores 04:19
I'm your lioness in the dark I will bear your scratches, bear your marks You sharpen your tongue And spill moans from my lungs Deadly wounded and stung Silvery ceiling and shimmering doors Keep me awake so I won't start to dream Pull my conscience back on it's leash Spread fabric on uneven floors Starlight catches our skin We are outside within a house With you is all I've ever been Narcissist and goldmouthed Your fangs shine so white You won't but you might Golden eyes are turning brown Blinded by the darkened sun A mind set free, I let it run Through all the love I've never known We'll die and rot and turn to stones Green velvet covering our bones
4.
Wrap your spirit around me Invisible arms, they hold me tight I let you in, I close my eyes I'm lost in you, I'm lost in you A perfect angels marble skin Eerie glow in dark rooms of dreams A gentle, beaten, beating heart Ready to give up Ready to let go Intrusive thoughts they throw me off High bridges, cold water, escape Relief, but only to become The burden guiding your way And I still lock my doors at night I know that you won't come A lonely, mournful, living soul Ready to give in Ready to get lost The night surrounds us Slow-dancing, stumbling steps Through spinning rooms we fall Beyond the light, beyond the light, beyond the light
5.
I know that if I have to fight It cannot be right And I want nothing more than for you to be gone Go and leave me alone Please stay and kiss me again And tell me you missed me, everywhere you've been I hope to haunt your dreams Like you haunt mine And I don't really want revenge But I think that might be a lie I tell myself It's fine, it's all going to be alright And it's ridiculous that my feelings don't fade My self-hatred cuts like a brand new blade But I won't be waiting anymore, I won't be waiting anymore I know I have to give you up But I hunger for your touch The question I asked, you simply answered 'I don't know' My heart about to implode All lovesongs remind me of you You say that you'll call, but in the end you never do And I hope to haunt your days and nights Like you haunt mine And I want to repay the pain But I don't want to be unkind I should stop writing these words Cause they work like a curse And maybe in a few years of time You'll fall in love, only to realise That I won't be waiting anymore, I won't be waiting anymore And I still feel like everything was right
6.
I Am Free 03:40
I never saw, I never realised But you did love me, in your cruel ways Oh but how it must have hurt your pride Humiliating scenes I can't erase But I'm still walking in your shoes And I'm still making excuses up for you After all, you were just terrified to lose me to another Careful to destroy the sense of self-worth I still had You only knew, you just internalized The fucked up ways your mother loved her child I tried to make it up a thousand times But nothing could leave you satisfied I thought I saw your skinny legs Walking towards me In the winter, a year ago And all my dignity was gone, And I was ready to forgive you But I was wrong I'm still walking in your shoes When all I want is to leave this all behind After all, you were ashamed of me and it's so hurtful what I find Digging up old memories of things that I promised you to hide But now it's time I am yours no longer I am mine
7.
How do I follow a heart, that's been deceiving? Making me stay, when I should have been leaving She was never any good, any good for me How do I trust a head that's not working right? Paranoid panic, in broadest daylight I was never good enough, good enough for her Oh but I'd be brave and I'd be kind If only I could leave this mess behind And I can't trust my own memories Made up lies of a life worth of time Burning bright with wild fantasies If only I knew the true past of mine Nostalgia tells it's golden lies While melancholy holds me tight Sways me in it's broken arms Keeps me insane and safe from harm Tells me tales from far away From places where I'll be one day Put on my shoes and crack a smile Roll up my sleeves, nothing to hide
8.
Went out in the rain, The birds are singing their songs And I can't comprehend That you are gone now The winds will carry us away Away until we are no more Leaving behind a trail of sand and stones In the city of the dead Leaving behind our skin and bones No need for them in what's ahead The waves will wash us safe ashore Ashore on beaches white as snow Leaving behind a trail of drops and tears On the way through pearly gates Leaving behind all doubts and fears No need for them in future fates And I'll wear my black And get through my day You were so, you were so far away
9.
It was a quiet sunday morning when we found you All stiff and frozen in your bed I was 12 and knew not what to do Rang up your neighbour and said 'our father's dead' So many things that I would like to show So many things we never shared But I feel like you are there with me Knowing that you cared They burned your body in my absence Buried you, put down a stone, made it a grave I made my way through a troubled adolescence They told me I was very brave So many things that I would like to say So many things you'll never see I reach for you through shades of lucid dreams Knowing it can never be My mum still cries at certain songs in church Me and your brother are real close friends Unknowingly he helps me fight destructive urges He said 'the missing never ends' So many things that I would like to know So many things left unsaid But I feel like you'd be proud of me Seeing where I'm at
10.
I see your face, in the morning Brighter than most memories, I hear you laugh, I hear you moaning Can it be true, can it please? I see your face, late at night When I'm bored and on my own I see us wrapped in heavy winter coats In New York Citys endless snow I don't sleep anymore, I only fantasize I can only see yours, when I close my own eyes And it hurts so much, to hear your pain I wish I could take it all away I wear my heart on my tongue Spill it all out in songs Three words slip upwards from my lungs To last for a breath and never be gone
11.
...

about

First adventures in music making and song writing and recording!
I hope you enjoy these songs! And I also solemnly swear that I'm nowhere near as sad as this music makes me sound.

credits

released August 16, 2015

All songs were written, performed and recorded by me, Hannah Reinhardt aka Babyalligator, in my bedroom and my bedroom at my mums place. Cover artwork was also done by me.
Background noise/Jupiter soundwaves on Seaside Requiem belong to NASA.

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Babyalligator Berlin, Germany

Singer-songwriter, Berlin

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